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Bipolar Faith

September 6, 2011

I don’t know if others struggle with this or not, but here it goes. I swear some days I can literally smell God’s presence in my life. Things are clicking, my clients are listening and acting and all seems right with the world. I love these kinds of days; sometimes, they may turn into weeks and months. It seems easier to see God’s fingerprints everywhere. I love the feeling of knowing God is with me.

Then there are the times when I swear I question the existence of God. How could you let this happen? Are you really up there? I prayed ferociously for this to happen and it didn’t. I literally get so pissed at God I don’t speak to him, or pray. These messages that enter my head like this are just too hard for me to understand, and it doesn’t make sense for me to try so hard to please you. Sound familiar? I wonder if God is up there thinking, “I wish Mike would just chill out; relief is coming.”

It is hard to admit that I think I have bipolar faith. I wish I were further along, but I am not. I have to be honest about my relationship with God before I can begin to grow. I can look through the years and see the times I trusted him to come through for me, and He did. Why is it so hard to trust?

I was reading in Psalms the other day, when a couple of statements made me feel so much better about where I am. Many of the Psalms were written by David, and if you look at a couple of verses here you can see that David wrestled with God too:

Psalm 23: 1-4 (A Psalm of David)

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul,
he guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake,
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death.
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me,
your rod and your staff,
They comfort me.

Psalm 13: 1-2 (A Psalm of David)

How long , O’Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

That makes me feel better about my faith. If David struggles; then it is okay for me to struggle, and God still loves me. He even loves me when I deny He is there. But today I sing his praises because I feel his presence. Thanks for reading my stuff; hope it helps your faith to grow.

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19 Comments leave one →
  1. Eric Herrington permalink
    September 6, 2011 11:53 am

    Dude….I know EXACTLY how you feel…I have thought, said, and done the same things..God is Good and Patient with us though.:)

  2. September 6, 2011 12:02 pm

    It is amazing how patient he is with us. Like a really good Father should be.

  3. Brian permalink
    September 6, 2011 12:25 pm

    Timely for me brother, thanks

    • September 7, 2011 10:53 am

      Thanks for reading Brian. Things will get better; sometimes, it is just not fast enough.

  4. Jorge Liceaga permalink
    September 6, 2011 1:16 pm

    Don’t know if you’ve every read David G. Benner’s book, The Gift Of Being Yourself: A sacred call to self-discovery, but I highly recommend it. It is really amazing and thought provoking in very deep ways. Benner talks about the real self, true self, and the false self. God does not relate to the false self because it exists only in our imagination. Therefore, holding back any or all of our emotions, so called, positive or negative is totally false. I wouldn’t call it bipolar faith because that contains negative connotations. Instead, I would call it real faith. A true trust in the most secure love of our most wonderful triune God. True expressions of our heart are a manifestation of a real confidence in our awesome Savior! Keep it real.

    • September 7, 2011 10:48 am

      Jorge, I have not read the book, but I do know my faith is okay. God and I are true friends with each other. He let’s me throw my tantrums, and then rescues me again. My laptop died yesterday, sorry for the late response.

  5. Ralph K. McLelland permalink
    September 6, 2011 2:14 pm

    A few weeks ago you asked me what I thought about your writing. This is a prime example of what I was talking about. Words spoken from a man who walks with Christ and others and does not have a problem admitting when he is struggling. It’s ok to speak words of truth and words from the heart brother. Thats one of your finest qualities. I understand the struggles as I am there with you many days. But you know what? When I stumble and fall He is always there to pick me up, brush me off, and send on His way. He knows me. It is His way not mine. Thanks for sharing from your Heart once again.

    • September 6, 2011 3:21 pm

      Thanks dude; I know you undersand. Honesty is what we need more of from the world. I don’t really like people who blow smoke up my butt when it comes to faith. I think Jesus siad it best Blessed are the poor in Spirit. I love Him because I am one of those people sometimes.

    • September 7, 2011 10:49 am

      Love you friend. You are one of the truest people I know. Letting people know you are struggling is a gift not a curse. We have allowed what others did with our story dictate whether we were going to share it or not. That is not what God says to do.

  6. September 7, 2011 8:43 am

    Thank you!!! I was just telling a friend that the horrible days where everything seems wrong don’t last, and I’m grasping at truth from the Word and I eventually come to stand on it. Then it all changes. Guess that’s why Jesus used the Word against the enemy of our souls.

    And you have earned more of my admiration for using the word pissed in your blog. : )

    Robin

    • September 7, 2011 10:45 am

      I don’t think anyone has told me that my mouth moved me up there chain of people. Thanks for reading my stuff Robin. My computer died, so I am having to use my son’s Mac to write with. It has been a challenging week, but God is good.

    • Rosa permalink
      September 7, 2011 5:29 pm

      Lol…I second that, Robin.

      • September 7, 2011 8:26 pm

        Thanks Rosa!

  7. September 7, 2011 9:27 am

    hey there! I have to say that I believe we ALL go through it! And I believe we can all come to David’s cross roads where we see where we are where we have been and do not know where we are going but know that God will get us there. I go through what you have written about. And yes..you did use the word pissed. *lol* and when I read it I was like..yeah i get thaaaaaat way. 😉

    • September 7, 2011 10:41 am

      Thanks Karin. Many times I am not sure if I am more pissed at God or myself. Thanks for the comment and the read. Anyone who doesn’t say they struggle with faith is pretty much a liar. Thanks again for reading my stuff.

  8. September 7, 2011 9:33 am

    Oh. man. I could have written this! So glad I somehow stumbled on this post today. I look forward to reading more.

    • September 7, 2011 10:52 am

      Thanks Bee! I hope you will stumble back. I write from my heart, and I talk about the things that everyone wishes they could talk about, but are afraid of the consequences. I hope I allow others to peep through the door and know the water is fine. The power of your life is the story that you live. Thanks for reading my stuff.

  9. Judson permalink
    September 7, 2011 1:33 pm

    Mike, I have to say you were the first “Christian Man” to speak to me in a way I speak to my friends. You were the first I was able to let speak into me, without feeling like you were speaking at me. I cherrish your friendship because of your honesty.

    • September 7, 2011 8:25 pm

      Thanks Judson. If people would just be truthful instead of being religious the world would be a better place.

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