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Update: My Last Demon

May 16, 2011

I would love to tell everyone that I made my goal weight, and I probably could have if I had chose that it was more important to make the money than it was to change my life. However, I am really proud this morning because I have lost over 30 lbs. I weigh 244 this morning with two weeks left to go. I am going to try to get down around 238-240 by June 1, 2011. That is the day I established as my cut-off. I am losing about three to four pounds a month by focusing only on my eating habits and reducing as much carbs as possible. I want to thank everyone who sponsored me on this journey, and hopefully my weight will continue to come down. Next weight-loss event will be  for climbing my first fourteener! I will be contacting each of you who supported me through this adventure to arrange for payment. Our construction team will arrive on June 3, 2011, so we will need to make arrangements quickly. Thanks for your support of Eyes of the Heart, The Barnabas Project and Sky Corral Lodge.

Update as of 11/20/2010     -I decided to give everyone an update on my progress with my weight (Mount Everest-My Last Demon). When I started this process I weighed 276 lbs, and as of 11/20/2010 I weigh 255 lbs. Now in the past I have lost weight much faster with fad diets, fasting and exercising, but this time I am working on my mind first. It has been three months since I first wrote Mount Everest-My Last Demon, and from this point forward I will be updating once a month around the 20th. The only things I have changed are the messages in my head that I believed about food, and walking for 30 minutes 3-4 times a week.

It is amazing the hidden messages (and subsequent wounding) that we receive as children concerning food, so many people think that only women have eating disorders (anorexia & bulimia); nothing could be further from the truth.

I wanted to share some of the messages we (my therapist and I) have uncovered in the therapy process surrounding food, so maybe others can be healed and hopefully some of our children can be spared a life of unhealthy messages.

You must eat everything on your plate – My father’s favorite line to us when we didn’t clean our plates was, “There are children in Ethiopia starving to death”. His own brokenness about the lack of money growing up, and sometimes food, projected out in this statement, but for me this has led to a lifetime of guilt if I leave food on my plate. I have a problem of overeating.

Don’t force your kids to eat everything on their plates!

Food is for comfort and pleasure – My family has a history of associating food with pleasure. My grandmother was a diabetic, but she would sneak bites of cake and pie in front of me. I watched her as she made these deep moans of pleasure as she ate the forbidden food. The association of food with pleasure instead of nourishment has led me over my life to seek food for comfort.

Teach your children that food is for nourishment and energy.

You can’t leave the table until you are done – My father and I had a tough relationship when I was a young man. After years of counseling and healing, I have learned that he had no idea what it looked like to be a father (no model). His father was no father at all, and I have forgiven my father, but many of the messages still dictate my life. Some of these messages surround food.

When we ate dinner we couldn’t leave the table until we had cleaned our plates. His insistent name calling kept me from feeling safe at the table, so I would eat as fast as I could. This has led to a lifetime of speed eating. I am always the first person finished whenever I eat with someone.

Slow down and taste your food, and make your table a safe place or zone.

I could continue with numerous lies I have believed about food, but for the first time in my life I feel like I am gaining a healthy understanding of my own health, and how food plays a part in it. Thanks for the support of this project. When I reach my goal weight we will have raised over $10,000 for the new cabin at Sky Corral Ranch, and because of a 2 for 1 matching grant in place the original $10,000 becomes $30,000; this is enough to finish the first cabin.

I want to thank the following people publicly for their support of me and my dreams. If you would like to support me in this venture I have the original blog below, and you can email me for information at God Bless You!

Brian Golter, Blake Webber, Kathy Spence, Marci McCord Tant, Joey Wilson, John Wilson, Rosie McDade, Greg Gearhart, Joshua Tsavatewa, Reggie Britt, Jack Harrington, David Morse, Kim Rice, Spencer Scoggins, Steven Tilly, Tim Harrison, Bruce Jeffrey, Jan Holland and Lynn Ryan. If I left you off please let me know.

Mt. Everst-My Last Demon Blog-August 20, 2010

Today is the day that I confess to all of you my last hurdle to being who God intended me to be. Even as I begin to write I feel anxiety throughout my body, because my last hurdle is my Mt. Everest. It is something that has controlled my life for over 30 years now, and if I don’t change it I am going to die. I have beat alcohol and drug addiction without help, but this one I can’t win alone. It is blanketed in shame, guilt and pain. My problem is my weight. I have struggled with my weight all of my adult life, and yesterday when I got on the scale I weighed 276 lbs. This is the heaviest I have ever been, and I feel the depression associated with it throughout my body. I need help!

I am tired of being winded when I ride bikes or play basketball with Davis. I am tired of not running with Michael or going to work-out with him. I am tired of the disappointment on their faces when I constantly say no to their wishes because of my physical condition, and I see the wounds my disease is causing in their hearts. I want to go swimming with my family and not be ashamed to take off my shirt. I can’t do this alone, and I am tired.

My wife has asked me to do it for myself over a hundred times, and for a while I would lose weight, only to gain it back and more. For whatever reason I can’t do it for myself. I have to have a purpose, so I am asking you to help me climb Mt. Everest.

Everyone who is close to my ministry knows I have a love deep in my soul for Sky Corral Ranch (Kelly & Rani Wheat). They have a wonderful ministry ministering to families, and I volunteer their every chance I get. They are now in this process of beginning to raise funds to build cabins, and I want to be the first one to build one for them. The cost for one of these cabins is $30,000.00 not including labor. The Men’s Adventure group from Ridgecrest has committed to providing some of the labor, and I am developing a team here in Colorado to help build their first cabin.

This is where you can help. Eyes of the Heart is a 501 C-3 non-profit organization and could facilitate tax deductible donations for this project. The project will be called the Barnabas Project. If you fill led I would like for you to commit $1.00, $2.00 or $5.00 (or whatever you fill led to give) a pound for every pound I lose before June 1, 2011 beginning today. My goal weight is 180 lbs. If I make my goal, and you pledged $1.00 per pound, that would be a total donation of $96.00. Somewhere between 300 and 500 people read this blog every time it is posted. If everyone who reads this message donated $1.00 per pound and 300 readers committed we would have the funds to build the first cabin on this ranch. I am putting my money where my mouth is by being the first donor at $10.00 per pound.

I am ultimately responsible for the success of this project, and I want you to know the steps I have taken today to beat my problem. I have talked with a counselor who deals with people with eating disorders and she has taken me on as a client. I am meeting with a personal trainer next week, and I am seeking the name of a good nutritionist in Fort Collins, but I need motivation outside of myself. Please help me climb Mt. Everest and leave a flag (cabin) at the top for facing my last and biggest fear. My tears tell me today that something is changing/shifting in my heart, and I am scared. Christ is working their today. If you are interested in helping you can send me an email at

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