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The Most Loving Words

December 15, 2010

I wanted to introduce a great friend of mine to my blog readers, Phil Hardin. Phil runs a ministry called BPO in Clinton, MS. Phil is one of the most gifted speakers, counselors, writers and people builders I have ever known. Phil mentored, fathered, and stood by me as I became the man I am proud to be today. I love you brother. Phil wrote this article a couple of years ago, but it has been on my heart after a week of tough counseling with couples. Marriage is not suppose to be easy; it is suppose to be rewarding. His article says it all!


 What are the most loving words I could speak? Sometimes I get “it” right by bringing my wife flowers. I have been known to give my wife cards that include some sort of personal acknowledgement of her. I even tell her “I love you” when I slow down long enough to express my feelings to her. I do believe that all of that is appreciated and received by my wife as love, but I still do not believe any of that is “THE MOST LOVING WORDS.”

When I am talking about “THE MOST LOVING WORDS,” I am suggesting words that are dynamic, that arouses the heart, heals brokenness, and offers freedom to the hearer. These words promote change for both the sender and the receiver. The kind of words that offer a gift to your spouse and that will stretch you to enter a transforming experience. 

The most loving words I could ever speak … the words are “I WILL FOR YOU.” Anytime we change our behavior for the sake of another, we change our character. Such a commitment brings out the empathy from the heart of the speaker. When such a gift is given, the heart is changed at the core.

I WILL FOR YOU … I will forgive you … I will give you … I will ask you … I will love you … I will do that … I will go for you … I will change for you. The simple words “I WILL FOR YOU” are the words of sacrifice and growth.

These words cause the speaker to stretch. It is the idea of becoming what you are not or what you fear you are not able to be or do. In marriage, your partner will typically ask you for something that is the hardest thing for you to give. Your partner touches the very areas that we feel weak or insecure. When we stand in humility and agree to give something that is hardest for us to give, it is life changing. We are stretched into areas of our self that we are needed to develop. 

Your partner has the blueprint for your growth. What your partner is asking from you, is the very area that you need to grow.  In order to grow, you have to risk and move into the areas where you feel weakest. Unfortunately, we often avoid these areas and quickly develop “parallel” ways of relating. We only relate with our spouse in the areas we feel comfortable and avoid the areas that bring expose our weaknesses.

Marriage is intended to be a healing environment. The healing takes place when we begin to see our need to listen to our partner’s requests for what they need. These requests will challenge us to give areas of our self that are weak and need to develop.

God is such a picture of this kind of love. He gives the most valuable and most difficult gift one could ever give. He gave His Son that we might have life. Marriage is intended to be the reflection of God’s loves to a world the questions if He is really involved.


3 Comments leave one →
  1. pat and kayleen permalink
    December 21, 2010 5:55 pm

    you said it we felt it right in the heart, thank you for all you do for those tough couples
    thank you

    • December 27, 2010 9:05 am

      You guys are welcome! I love where life leads us to be healed. We either accept it or reject it. It is our choice.

  2. June 27, 2012 3:21 am

    I have just been in a relationship that was approaching engagment and found every word of what you wrote in this article to be true. Painful and true. Thanks for sharing this wisdom and for telling it from the heart.

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