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I Am Afraid!

May 27, 2010

I apologize for not writing in over a week, but the priorities in my life were shifted for me. My wife went in for a routine mammogram last Thursday that became not so routine. The doctor found two lumps in her breast that shouldn’t be there. He scheduled immediate surgical testing for the next Tuesday. This past weekend was spent loving each other, but with an anxious edge that encompasses your life when you realize you are not in control of how your life will play out. My faith was tested; I was afraid.

It is amazing how easy it is to have faith in God when things are going well; blessings are easy signs to interpret, but what about when things are not going according to plan? I laugh at some of the definitions of faith that get thrown around in Christian circles. The cliché “Have faith” is easy to throw at someone when you’re not in the battle with them, or haven’t experienced the pain they are enduring. One of Webster’s definitions of faith is “belief and trust in and loyalty to God”. Belief and trust, the second part was hard this week for me. I was afraid I would lose the person that I love most in this world. Many people believe that faith is the absence of fear because God is in control. This is a lie straight from the pits of hell.

Being afraid of the obstacles we face in life is normal; all you have to do is look at scripture. When Jesus was at the Mount of Olives (Gethsemane) scripture says, “He withdrew from them about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done. An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. It is clear to me Jesus was afraid, but He persevered.

I am sure the human side of Jesus would love to have avoided the whole crucifixion piece of his life. God doesn’t promise us tomorrow. There is a scary verse for me in Hebrews at the end of the chapter where many of the characters (Abraham, David, Noah, Samson & Rahab) we know are listed in the “Hall of Faith”. The verse reads like this, “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” They didn’t get what they were promised? I don’t like it when I don’t get what I was promised. Faith in God at times is tough. I think they should change the Webster definition to read like this, “belief, trust, perseverance and persistence in seeking God’s love and will.” You see God is a much better author of life’s story than me.

Now back to the story, my wife’s results came back negative. Everything is going to be fine, but my faith has changed. I pray that your faith in God grows in the good times and in the bad, because He is there walking with you, hand and hand through this battle zone we call life. I love you Sandra!

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. Jan permalink
    May 27, 2010 10:06 am

    So thankful for the report!

    • May 27, 2010 1:46 pm

      Thanks Jan! Me too!

  2. May 27, 2010 11:13 am

    Sandra and Michael, “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 “Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous…”. Joshua 1:5-7 May you both continue to love well!

  3. Michael Root permalink
    May 27, 2010 11:20 am

    SO GLAD TO HEAR THE GREAT NEWS THAT THE TEST CAME BACK NEGATIVE! WE WERE PRAYING FOR THAT ANSWER!

    • May 27, 2010 1:47 pm

      Thanks Michael! Wish you were coming to Fort Collins. Would really enjoy seeing you.

  4. May 27, 2010 11:29 am

    Well said my friend. I’m saddened by what you and Sandra had to go through. I’m thrilled with the results – your deeper faith and her clean bill of health. I love you guys. Gary

    • May 27, 2010 1:45 pm

      Thanks Brother! It has been a rough six days. It is amazing how God uses good and bad to mold us into the men we are becoming! Thanks for being one of those guys that God speaks to me through.

  5. jeff knight permalink
    May 27, 2010 4:41 pm

    Mike, just returned from a weeks worth of offshore fishing and read your blog. My heart is with you and your wife. I just paused and felt your despair and your victory of prayer. I love yall very much. I will continue to pray for you and family.

  6. Bruce J permalink
    May 28, 2010 6:01 am

    Mike: Thanks for sharing this. I can relate–not because I’ve been through what you’ve been through–but I’ve certainly experienced that sense of fear. And it seems that fear is a great hijacker of a life story. It wants to come in and rewrite everything–past, present, and future–and substitute a new story with God out of the picture and us alone against an indifferent world of impersonal forces. It wants us to question the fundamental assumptions we have about our life. We start to wonder if we ever had any of it figured out correctly.

    What’s happened for me is that later on, I get a better story back. I realize that even in the darkest moments, He never did leave my side. He was there, guiding, sustaining, protecting. And this becomes the truer story, no matter what actually happened to me.

  7. Willy Holiman permalink
    May 28, 2010 11:30 am

    Mike,

    That was a very inspirational read, and I am thankful that Sandra had a clean bill of health! I know that God is watching over you and blessing your family. Mama went through her masectomy in December, and everything came out well for her. I would love for you to send a link to your blog and this article in particular to her. Mama Susan’s email is culex@bellsouth.net. You are going a great job expressing your feelings in your words, and I am so glad that we are getting back in touch. Give Sandra my blessings and a big hug!

    Love you Brother!

    Willy

    • May 28, 2010 11:40 am

      Thanks Willy! I know there are days she would have loved to kill the two of us, but God has a way of turning the tide. I am glad we have reconnected as well. Leaving the light on for you when you make it to Fort COllins. Tell Mama Sue I said hey!

  8. Greg G permalink
    May 29, 2010 8:48 pm

    Brother, so grateful that Sandra is well.

    When I was dealing with some health issues with my Dad a few weeks ago, I found I was reluctant to “bother” others with the need for prayer, even those who are my brothers. Why is that? Did you feel that?

    • May 31, 2010 5:28 am

      I am getting better about asking Greg. I sent out a blast a few hours before we left to go have the test done, but I did hesitate. Just because we are worthy doesn’t mean we always feel like it. The other reason is so many people say they will pray for you, but never do it. I am guilty of this to.

  9. Sam Goad permalink
    May 31, 2010 8:15 am

    Mike, I’m very happy to hear that Sandra will be ok. You have never gotten to meet her but my wife Maggie is an amazing person. She is a pediatric chemo nurse at Blaire E. Batson UMC. I hear of so much tragedy that takes place in families with ill loved ones especially children. It has taken it’s toll on Maggie over the years but I know that God is with her EVERY DAY and helps her thru being close to those situations so she can continue helping the patients and thier families. Thank you for sharing your story and the inspiration in your blog. I have enjoyed reading every week.

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