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How to Love a Man!

May 19, 2010

I am really tired of how our culture as a whole treats men. There is a ringing in men’s ears in society saying, “You’re just not good enough” or “you don’t measure up”. It is amazing how many men, including myself, who have been taught that we have to have the good job, the house, cars and be a great husband and father. These are roles not identity! When these things become the goals in your life, you end up with your wife in my counseling office. What is important is living in relationship, and the one with your wife is the most important relationship besides the one with God.

The problem with most men is that deep in our core we feel unloved because of this societal curse (Not good enough); that it is impossible for us to measure up. Look at who we hold up as heroes in this day and time, sports figures (Tiger Woods, Lebron James), movie stars (Vince Vaughn, Charlie Sheen) and politicians; are you kidding me? Have you ever watched Two and a Half Men? I don’t even know men that are that shallow and stupid. Most male characters on television and in movies are complete idiots, and then we project that stereotype on every man in our culture. We are not idiots! Many of us provide the love, security and parenting necessary to be called courageous men. The problem is we don’t get the respect we deserve from our wives, our churches, our jobs, and our culture in general. Men bashing has become a favorite sport for the media, talk shows and many women’s organizations.  If the world wants us to be bad men keep doing what you’re doing; it is working!

We need more real men! Women I am enlisting your help!

I decided to write this blog to help the women (wives) I care about understand what we need from them as men to get past this generational (societal) curse, and become the courageous leaders, lovers and fathers that we desperately need today.

  • Most men need affirmation-We don’t receive it from church, our jobs, our wives or our children; our parents were mostly clueless of the importance. Positive reinforcement works ten times better than negative. Everyone just expects us to do, to know, to provide and to parent. Tell us when we do a good job at something; don’t just expect it. Example: Thanks Bill for taking out the trash; that means a lot to me. This does more for a man’s heart to know that he is appreciated. We need to be affirmed for the things we do right!
  • Plan a date night that includes something he wants to do-the reverse of this statement is in every women’s magazine list of what men don’t do for women. Maybe, if you did it for him, he would understand the importance. It’s called reverse psychology.
  • Go on an adventure with your husband-Don’t allow your fears to keep you from going camping, hunting, or white water rafting. JUST DO IT! Most couples do not have hobbies they enjoy doing together, so they grow apart (My wife is the best at this one).
  • Have sex somewhere besides the bedroom-This sounds a little radical coming from a Christian blog, but go parking in the car, make love outdoors (don’t get arrested), or check into a hotel with no kids. Your husband will be amazed and excited I promise. Also, you instigate the sex; make him feel special. Physical touch is the number one love language of men according to Dr. Gary Chapman.
  • Share the story of how you met your spouse with your children or a group of friends. Tell them what attracted you to your man and let him hear it. We need to be reminded about the times we were in love, so you can rekindle those feelings for each other.

If you want to see the truth about how couples should treat each other read Ephesians 5:22-27 (I recommend The Message Bible), and men don’t stop after verse twenty-two. Submission does not mean slavery! Love her like Christ loves the church; be willing to die for her, and maybe she will take the list above seriously.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Steve Tilly permalink
    May 19, 2010 11:30 am

    Excellent! If there were a few available women in my “circle” like what you describe here, maybe I would be a married man today. But on the flip side, am I the man the Scriptures say I should be? Hmmm. The enemy has had his way with both genders for far too long, knowing our respective weaknesses, and exploiting them to the nth. We left it, oh so long ago – the Garden. We need the Creator to come again and mold our clay anew.

  2. Beth Elliott permalink
    May 19, 2010 5:04 pm

    Sometimes it helps to hear it in just plain and simple English. Thanks for taking the time to break it down. I think you said alot to women in a few words and I, myself, will heed them! ♥

  3. May 20, 2010 7:19 am

    Great blog post, Mike. You said a lot in a few words and you said it well. I consider myself a pretty well adjusted guy with a wonderful wife and family, but it is very difficult to hold it together as a man in the culture we live in today.

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